I’ve used this phrase before, once as an derogatory statement to an old friend, but mostly as a reference in songs and poems to Underoath’s “They’re Always Chasing Safety” album.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I’ve realized that I’ve been chasing safety as well. I chase things that make me feel okay, safe–alive. Friends, love, happiness… I chase these things.
And it’s almost as bad to run towards things as it is to run from them. When you finally hit them, they hit you back, and they can knock you down, hard. When you lose them, they’ll knock the air straight out of your lungs and into that little fire in your soul.
I used to dream of falling in love. I understand now that, for me, I need to climb down that ladder one rung at a time.
So, what am I doing now?
And I chose this life. I need to focus on me. I don’t know who I am inside. I’m constantly changing and adapting.
So, what do I want to be?
That’s a loaded question, but I’m ready to blow my brains out on this world’s metaphorical canvas and see who’s willing to pay top dollar.
I want to be a writer. I want to write stories that tear your heart out, write songs that make you yearn for adventure, and write poems that you’d give to your girlfriend.
Words come easily to me, at least in my head. I can’t work well under pressure. I do not have writer’s block; my writer just hates the clock. Good work takes time, and I’m finally ready to take that time.
How do I get there?
Well, I’m working at the Walmart Fucking Super Center. I enjoy it, though. A year ago I said it’d be the last place I’d ever work. If I play my cards right, maybe it will be.
I plan on moving up. I’ve already gotten good standings with a few DMs, as well as supervisors. Hell, Matt hired me on because he saw leadership potential in me. If I can get to management, make good money, and start writing music on my way there, I’ll be able to kickstart myself a music career.
This is my dream. This is my hope. This is my all, and I’m willing to give it.
On a side note, I’ve started becoming friends with Asher again. Today, I hung out with him and Sammie, and I almost cried because I hadn’t been so happy in a long time. I missed them, dearly. Hopefully, I’ll be seeing more of them in the future.
Here’s to getting shit done, with a smile. I’ll catch you guys on the flippity-dipp.