Being Single

One of my friends recently said to me, “You know, it sucks. Being single sucks.”

And he wasn’t wrong. It does suck being single once you sit down and think about it for a while. Wanting someone to be that someone in your life is perfectly understandable. It feels nice to be close to someone. It feels nice to be able to share yourself with someone physically and emotionally. 

Hell, I’ve been searching for someone for quite some time. To steal from an old friend, I want someone to be “my confidant, my co-conspirator,” and what I look forward to every day. 

I want someone to etch themselves into my veins. 

And I’m not looking for forever. Forever is a loooong time. I wouldn’t ask a girl for that, at least not for a while. It’s too much. I just want your now, your tonight. Give me that and I’ll give you the world. 

Being single does have some positive aspects, though. It’s given me time to focus on myself. 
Just within the past few months I’ve slimmed up, gotten a nice job, written more than I have in the past combined, and learned a little about how to be happy alone. 

And that’s the most important thing everyone needs to learn while they’re single. To truly be happy when you meet someone special, you have to know what it means to be happy alone. You have to be okay. Getting there is one hell of a journey, and you will go lower than you’ve ever been, but I promise you will come out above the clouds. 

So, to my single friend who doesn’t know how to be happy: find yourself before you start looking for someone else. 

For me, it has been some while, but I think I’m finally okay. And that’s just okay. 

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Not Again

All I am is scars.

The rest of me was torn apart

And left inside this empty space,

Where you replaced your heart with mine.

Now I drift with no wind in my sails,

Only waves to breach my hull

And cast me out to sea.

I just keep crashing with no beach to hold my broken boards,

No sand to fill these jars so I have something else to breathe.

I swallow all my nails to pacify my hunger in the only way I can,

And soon I’ll tie my ropes into a leash to let my demons take the land.

Miles below the surface, something lurks,

A monster of master’s design.

Will I finally meet this wretched beast,

Or will my mother get another chance to sing me to sleep?

I have this dream, this terror, endlessly.

It sneaks underneath my skin by needle point,

By cigarette, 

Injected by anxiety, flowing straight through every single capillary.

I etch out my veins into the only stone I have left.

I turn it on its back to find a map leading me outside of this slumber.

Oh, dear lover!

You sent a stone to break my bones and a paper trail to lead me home.

The seas around my grave dry up,

And I’m surrounded by a warm sunrise.

Flowers tickle my bare ankles and birds sing for my itching ears.

How long have I been here?

Seeing life inside my glass shard fall-apart, I realize I don’t need anything.

I don’t need this sand.

I don’t need these boards,

And I don’t want your hands

Anymore.

I take a new breath and understand now that I’ve been home for quite some time.

The Stars, The Sea; My Heart

I swam to the stars,

Hit the craters of the moon.

It was one small step,

And a glance of your eyes.

I reaped the tears of the seeds I’d sown,

Every one just like salt of the sea.

But there’s something here for the both of us…

When atoms collide, there’s love on the inside! 

A universe so wide like your smile.

A Big Bang to bring my world to focus,

And now I see you.

I set a course for the seas,

Ended up on the shore.

A shipwreck of ecstasy

On this island of graves.

I tore up my sails and made a bed for us both,

Here by the shore to watch the waves.

And there is something here for the both of us… 

When mountains collide, there’s love on the inside! 

A volcanic eruption so explosive,

A fire like you’ve never known,

And I burn for you! 

Write my name in the stars,

Tie them to my heart with little red balloons!

Stay for a while, and I’ll show you the moon!

Sing for me, oh, Siren, and I’ll crash upon your beach,

Every board broken so I never have to leave! 

My heart breathing sand, exhaling glass dreams,

My eyes like a lighthouse to bring you home to me.

And there is something here for the both of us…

The Artist

In a thousand years time, I’ll be a stone.

What does that mean for us? Our bones,

Just dust scattered to the wind like leaves.

What more could I preach to make you feel my need?

Just breathe with me, oh, darling.

Watch my chest, and I yours.

In… And out again.

I want to believe in you again.

I want my scars to read your name!

I want the clouds to wash my pain away,

Just stay. 

A moment to me is worth my life.

Take it with you when you go.

I want you to know you mean my all to me, oh, darling!

And I sit here cutting up my fingers on guitar strings, hoping you’d sing along.

Just take my songs.

Take the air from my lungs and let it push your sails, not mine.

Travel to a better place for you this time.

Close your eyes with me, oh, darling.

And count the stars inside our minds.

One by one they shine a light, brighter than the edge of night.

Just take my life…

Take my air,

And take my songs;

Sing for me this time. 

Night Terrors

I don’t sleep anymore.It’s terrifying.

I end up dreaming dreams of dying.

Time means nothing to me.

I want to back to before,

Before you,

Before me,

Before things stopped making sense.

I am losing my mind.

I hear voices in my sleep

Screaming silence through clenched teeth.

Shaking me down,

No sounds are heard,

But I wake up breathless,

Heart beating on the brink of life.

I don’t see myself making it this time.

Maybe this time I won’t wake up.

Maybe I’ll finally be free.